Bobby is 8 Months Old

What?!  Baby Bobby is 8 months old?!  The little guy, I mean big guy is 19 pounds and wearing one year old clothes. (Look at his socks.)

Admittedly, I am tired and worn out.  I just do not sleep enough.  Some days are a blur and I fear that I may not be appreciating the time I have with my babies.  They are only going to be small this one time and I have to remind myself to take each moment in. 

Once things settle a bit more, I will share with you the drama of what being the executor of my father's estate has caused.  The holidays are hard without my parents and more time needs to heal my wounds.  

If only you could walk a mile in my shoes you would understand my silence. Don't worry my friends- I will get my spunk back... when I sleep more. 

Bobby is 7th Months Old

My precious baby boy Bobby is seven months old.  

No words can explain how much joy I feel being a mother, not only to Bobby, but to all my boys.  While I type this with sleepy eyes, I know that this tired is only temporary.  I know that my boys are health and able bodied. I am grateful for their health and the never ending "mom's".

No lie, this Thanksgiving is hard without my parents. It is the first Thanksgiving without both of them here.  At times, I want to cry (like now) because I miss them.  Then I remind myself of my family. My boys. My family. My sister.  That is nothing to be sad about.  I remind myself how thankful I am to have health happy children.  Life really is good.

Great Joy

Before I had children, I would often hear parents talk about what great joy their children brought them.  It is only when you have children yourself do you truly understand the true meaning of having your heart swell with joy when you witness your child grow.

The moment Bobby rolled over the first time, I cried.  I even asked myself why I was crying.  It was so amazing watching him learn something new and to see the expression on his face.

All by himself, my fearless child Nate, climbs the slide and slides down.  He walks into the school building like a big boy and rides train rides.  As I saw the train turn the corner with my baby, well I guess I should say toddler, I realized he is growing and being more independent.  I know I will always cherish his tiny waves and hugs. No matter how tired I am, I love to hear Nathaniel screaming for me, "Mom".  I never ever want that to stop.

I love being a mother and raising my children.  There are times when I am not sure what to do to help or teach my children, but my instincts always kick in and lead me in the right direction. That way is straight to my heart with joy.

Bobby is 6 Months

The Big B is six months old.  He is finally in his crib and sleeping upstairs with his big brother Nate.  Finally, I am getting more sleep and playing catch up with the Zzz's. 

 I may have forgotten to mention that Nate started a Mother's Day Out program/pre-school two days a week.  This gives me two days with one-on-one time with this little guy.  It is always a joy to see him laugh, smile, and play.  I am also the mom that buys a chalk board to write the "First Day of School" and then forgets actually write it and take the pictures.  Well, it is a memory I will have to save in my heart.  

Every post I vow to post more often.  Daily, I write posts in my head but never find the time to sit down to type them up.  Even though I am a stay-at-home mom, I do not understand how people how the time to post or even participate in so much social media.  My choice is to be a mom. In my spare time and when the boys get off to school, I will post as time allows.  

Until then, I am enjoying watching my boys learn and grow. 

Bobby is 5 Months

Yeah, I did it!  I posted sooner than one month.  Here is my precious baby boy Bobby at five months.  He is so sweet.  He doesn't quite sleep through the night, he laughs and babbles, he rolls and has started to eat rice oatmeal. 

My baby boys keep me on my toes.  Nate climbs anything and everything. Nate pokes at Bobby's eyes.  In Nate's defense he is saying, "eye's" and showing his eyes to me. 

Nate started a mother's day out program and I get one-on-one time with Bobby.  I enjoy bonding with Bobby and nursing him so we can be close.  We laugh together and goo at each other.  Such a mother's love.  

In Between

Each month I vow to post in between the month where Bobby ages a month. Each month life and stuff gets in the way. To touch lightly on the "stuff that gets in the way",  I have hired a second lawyer to fight with my dad's widow and for the past week I have had half a house full of inhabitants, including me, with a stomach bug and junk coming out from both end.  Is that a good enough excuse from not hitting the blogger world?

Now that I can walk with out getting dizzy I am back to going through my fathers things.  It is hard and I cry a lot.  Each box opens a new memory.  Not just of my father's memory but of my mother.  It is hard and my heart is heavy. I am sad.  

I think it is not fair that my children will not have grandparents on grandparents day. I hate that my friends with children can go on a date with their spouse while their parents babysit- for free.

The recent holiday brought my brother-in-laws to town to celebrate an honor ceremony for my father. It was special to have such close relatives give my sister a flag and be able to make Dad's grave site holy ground. This gives me such peace and closure to the fiasco that occurred at his funeral.

This blog follows my sad heart.  When I post next, in 4 days, for Bobby's 5th birthday, I will be more lively. Promise. 

Bobby is 3 and 4 Month

 My beautiful baby boy makes me smile and feel so gracious every. single. day.  I thank God that He has given me Bobby because he is my every day reminder of my father.

(Did I really not post in a month?!)

Bobby is growing so much and so quickly. A few days of the week he sleeps through the night.  He babbles and smiles, kicks and rolls.  Nate loves helping me with his baby brother and he even points out his eyes, ears, and nose.  Not always so gently.

Life takes over but I still manage to get a work out in, manage my father's estate, and get all the boys ready and off to school.  Nate will be starting a mother's day out program next month. I am a firm believer in helping my children socialize and get adjusted to a daily routine. We love to read, sing and play outside.  I could go on and on about the joys of seeing my children grow and learn.

Bobby officially has his own gym membership.  That means I can get back to yoga classes and spin classes.  Maybe I am on track to a somewhat normal life again. Sorta.

Worst Job- Ever!

The worst job I have ever had is to be the executor of my father's estate.  Each time I contact the bank or an institution, I am transferred to Survivor Services, in which they begin the conversation with, "I am so sorry for your loss."  This is were I break down and cry.  You know the ugly cry where your whole body shakes and snot drips from your nose? I cry so hard that I cannot speak the words, "Thank you".   Each time, it is a reminder that my father is not here with me any more. 

I am taking it slow.  Each day I give myself one task to do for my father.  Some days it is too difficult that I skip the next day or even the rest of the week.  I am lucky that my mister does not complain about me being sad or staying in my pajamas until noon. 

Each day I discover a new tragedy to add to the grief of loosing my father. The latest is the my father's wife (not my mother) emptied all his bank accounts and took off with all his money.  Yup, you guessed it, this is a real life version of American Greed. I am in total shock that someone could be that greedy, that someone would actually marry for money, and that someone who was so nice in the beginning had ulterior motives. 

However, I took an oath to fulfill my duties as executor to the best of my ability.  I have always said that I would honor Dad and do the best I could to fulfill his wishes.  With the strength of the good Lord above, this is what I plan to do- stay strong. 

Bobby is 2 Months: Let it go

Roberto Albert Alaniz turned two months on June 15, 2016.  Bobby burps and throws up a after I feed him, which leaves me full of puck most of the time.  He is cooing and holding up his head.  At last check, he weighs 13 pounds and is 90% of other babies his age.  

Bobby is a blessing and my daily reminder of my father Roberto G. Rojas who passed away on June 3, 2016.

You may have noticed that I have not posted much these last few months.  It is because I have been taking care of my father since December.  His wife left him, I was pregnant, chasing a toddler around, and making sure the two older boys stayed on task.  To say the least, my life has been hectic.

This week I finally get to take a break and settle in to my new normal without my father.  He was my confidant and best friend. It is  hard to believe that I no longer have my mother and my father; and that my children will not know their grandparents. It is hard to be the executor of my father's will when there are hurt feelings with Dad's wife and when I am trying to mourn the loss of my father.

It is times like this that makes me feel like life is not fair.

I have to let go of the stress, let go of the hurt, and move on as best I can. There is something inside me that keeps me strong. When I believe I cannot go on and fight another battle, I see Bobby and he smiles. He is my reminder that it is possible, that anything is possible.  I need to let go of the hurt and move on.

Bobby is 1 Month Old

Today Bobby is one month old and Nathaniel is 15 months old.  I have survived thus far with 5-6 hours of sleep a night, in two hour increments.

I won't lie, there are many days that I a living on fumes.  Some how, some way, I get through the day. It is the little things that Nate does like he starts dancing to my phone ring tone or when he gives me a kiss.  It maybe Bobby's little sleepy smile that give me my afternoon boost of energy.  Whatever it is, I make it. 

In all this joy, it is hard to hide the fact that my father is dying of ALS.  Unfortunately, I have said this before with my mother; but I must say it again. It is extremely cruel and unfair to watch a loved one wither way and die before your eyes.  If cancer is bad, ALS is worse.  With ALS, my father is conscious and alert while he looses his strength and the ability to talk. Slowly, he will loose the ability to breath. 

In so many ways, life is just not fair.  I choose to believe that God gives us these trials to make us stronger and better people; while giving us bundles of joy to get us through the hard times. 

I never give up hope. 

Baby Number 2

Growing in pregnancy was difficult for me because I am used to being thin.  Bobby kept growing and growing, and my belly seemed to be exploding.  While I didn't really love the pregnancy experience, I still captured my belly at week 39 so I could look back and remember how big I was. 

Bobby was 8 pounds 11 ounces, much bigger than we all expected him to be. He was born after 13 hours of difficult labor for me due to a nurse in training. The trama to Bobby put him in the NICU for three days and I was sad to be discharged a day early without my baby. 

This Friday is more test and to ensure he continuing to gaining weight.  We are working on getting his days and nights switched, because he seems to have them confused- and that means many sleepless nights for me. 

I have a house full of boys and at times a still a walking zombie. Thank God for my help.

My Kid

It is what all parents think.  This I know to be true.  I have the cutest kid ever.

This week I am 37 weeks pregnant and my one-on-one time with Nathaniel is slowly diminishing. This morning I woke up at 5:30 AM so I could drink my morning coffee, wake up, and be alert for when Nate woke up. 

It is harder these days to bend over and walk with him because my baby bump is in the way.  It is more challenging to chase him around at the park and even pick him up and carry him all day.  My secret is to take a nap when he naps so that I can feel more rested.  With sleep, anything is more possible. 

I have given up on lunch dates and play dates so I can save my energy for Nate and evening with da boyz. As I get older, or should I say wiser, I am learning my limits and keeping things in perspective with what is important.  My friends, if they are truly friends, will understand.

So for now, I must run.  My baby is pulling my heart stings.  I want to hug and kiss him and give him all my love. 

Grateful

This prayer is being shared on social media and it reminds me to remain calm in the craziness of my life. It is hard to rank the ten items because I have complained about every thing listed.  When I look closely, it is the lack of sleep that makes me grumpy and thus I start complaining about everything else. 

 Nate wakes up with his dad at 5:30 AM.  Every night I pray that he would sleep in a bit longer but it never happens.  Nate seems to like the extra time with dad and enjoys seeing his big brothers off to school. Often I find myself counting down the minutes until nap time so I can squeeze in a nap myself. 

Untimely, I am reminded of the baby I do have, the baby on the way, and the two boys that are growing into smart young men.  The boys in the house are health and playful and I remind myself to forget about the to-do-list and have fun. 

My house is full of love, though messy at times.  I step back and examine all that I am grateful for and I know that there will be a time when I get more sleep and I will have all the time in the world to explore more roads on my bike. 

Fiesta Baby

I promised myself that I would only post monthly pictures of Nathaniel up until he was one year only.  It seems fitting to post today because he is 13 months old and I am 32 weeks pregnant.  

The past two weeks I felt overwhelmed with the thought of having a toddler and a baby in the house; but this week the idea has settled in my heart and I feel more at ease. It may have something to do with me enrolling Nathaniel in a Mother's Day Out program two times a week and having a reliable and dedicated nanny to help me with the three other boys in the house (four other boys if you count da mister). 

The new baby idea became more fun as I downloaded the Fiesta app.  As the rumor goes, my mother attended the day parade while she was having contractions and only went to the hospital to give birth to me after the parade was over.  The thought of having a fiesta baby brings a new level of excitement to the game. My due date is April 18 and Fiesta officially starts on April 14. 

My hope is that I have a fiesta baby to always have a fiesta birthday to celebrate along with. One must always know that the city of San Antonio gets together to help celebrate your birthday when it falls during fiesta.  

Reading

Reading has always been a part of my life.  I enjoy reading and going to new places, experiencing emotions, and getting a different perspective.

Most recently I read Goldfinch, a Pulitzer Prize winner for fiction.  Initially I did not know how I would read all 776 pages of the book; but once I started, I loved every-single-perfectly-worded-sentence. Over the weekend I finished reading The Notorious RBG.  Justice Ginsberg is inspirational and firm in getting equal rights for all- and I love that she can do 20 push-ups (I cannot even do 20 push-ups).

 My hope is to impress on the boys the importance of reading and learning.  The big boys have started reading book series and I often have to remind Jon to stop reading and finish his other homework.  Or, to put his book down and let the dentist check his teeth.  

Nate has started crawling to his bookshelf and bringing me books to read to him.  He will get in my lap, get cozy, and smile as we flip the pages.  He lights up with a smile, clap his hands, and laughs as we turn the pages. Reading the same book three times in a row never gets old when I read them to my children.

Nook has a free book Friday and I have been downloading those.  I am always on the look out for a new book to read.  If you have any suggestions, send them my way. 

12 Months

My baby boy is now one year old. Nathaniel has a few words in his repertoire but his most used are "this" and "that" and he points.  

The things that melts my heart the most is when he crawls to the book shelf and brings me a book to read. I love that he smiles at hearing the story and claps when we get to the end.  As a reader, I love that I have passed this enjoyment on to him.

Of course the cutest thing Nate does is "ojitos y besitos" (cute eyes and kisses)where he blinks his eyes and blows kisses.

This past year I have learned that being a mother brings an explosion of love to my heart along with some not so glamours moments of getting peed on. Definitely the highs are more extreme than the lows so that the lows do not even seem to matter. 

This week I am 28 weeks pregnant with Bobbie, and start my third trimester.  At the forefront of my thoughts is: How am I going to get more sleep?  I must admit that I am exhausted from chasing around Nate and caring an extra belly around.  In fifteen months from now, I will be gushing with pride when my second little man turns one.

Help!

When we first won custody of the older boyz, I was trying to figure out how I was going to manage my growing family.  At times it can be a bit overwhelming with managing homework, tutoring pick-up, and everything else involved in a home. Let's just say that I am not shy about asking for help. It is something that I do not mention because I think it sounds snobby, but my family has a nanny. This week was a perfect example of why she is such a big asset for us.

Da boyz had dentist appointments.  That left me with figuring out: dinner, caring for Nate, homework, reading projects, and getting to the dentist. It was somewhat comforting knowing that even the nanny commented, "It is a struggle getting an older boy started on homework, helping him with homework, getting dinner ready for Nate, and feeding a squirming baby.  Now I know why you have me."

Over the past few months we have had four different nannies.  Our most recent nanny seems to get our family the most because she has two children of her own and knows what needs to be done in a house. I hope I am not speaking too soon but this situation is working for all of us. 

Now with Bobbie on the way, I am not sure how the flow of things will work.  Believe me, I will be the first to schedule the nanny, if only so I can squeeze in a nap.

Shock

Dear Mom,

Do you believe it? From the view you have, I bet you could see it coming.    We still have a lot of questions like: Why would a person get married in the church, take an vow to love your partner in good times and in the bad, in sickness and in health, and then decide you do not want to take care of your partner?  

We are all still in total and complete shock that Lydia would move out and leave Dad alone- again.  I never saw it coming.  The part that hurts worse is that I had taken her in as my bonus mom and even started teaching da boyz to call her Grammy. We accepted her and her family as our family.  And now she is gone. 

In her mind she is justified and has said that God is her judge not me or my sister.  Of course, her story is different from ours but you can see the truth from up there.  I know that all I do is for my dad- and that is to get him better. 

Times are definitely trying.  Caring around an extra 13 pounds of Bobbie (I am now 25 weeks pregnant.), holding a 20 pound Nate, on a sprained ankle has not been fun and quite exhausting. Coordinating hospital visitation, tutoring and homework, supper, and sleep time has challenged me and has taken a bit for me to adjust.  I went from no kids to three kids and one on the way.  I wonder how other moms manage and survive.  Is it only me that have these burdens?

The thing that keeps me sane is knowing that God will only give me what I can handle.  That gives me peace.  When I need rest, I will finally close my eyes to sleep.

You must only be seeing blue skies and temporary pain; while I see turmoil.  Please send our family peace and hope. I will remember your perseverance and strong will as we get Dad back up on his feet. 

I love you, Mom!

Barbie, #2