Friday, September 16, 2016

Bobby 5 Months

Yeah, I did it!  I posted sooner than one month.  Here is my precious baby boy Bobby at five months.  He is so sweet.  He doesn't quite sleep through the night, he laughs and babbles, he rolls and has started to eat rice oatmeal. 

My baby boys keep me on my toes.  Nate climbs anything and everything. Nate pokes at Bobby's eyes.  In Nate's defense he is saying, "eye's" and showing his eyes to me. 

Nate started a mother's day out program and I get one-on-one time with Bobby.  I enjoy bonding with Bobby and nursing him so we can be close.  We laugh together and goo at each other.  Such a mother's love.  

Sunday, September 11, 2016

In Between

Each month I vow to post in between the month where Bobby ages a month. Each month life and stuff gets in the way. To touch lightly on the "stuff that gets in the way",  I have hired a second lawyer to fight with my dad's widow and for the past week I have had half a house full of inhabitants, including me, with a stomach bug and junk coming out from both end.  Is that a good enough excuse from not hitting the blogger world?

Now that I can walk with out getting dizzy I am back to going through my fathers things.  It is hard and I cry a lot.  Each box opens a new memory.  Not just of my father's memory but of my mother.  It is hard and my heart is heavy. I am sad.  

I think it is not fair that my children will not have grandparents on grandparents day. I hate that my friends with children can go on a date with their spouse while their parents babysit- for free.

The recent holiday brought my brother-in-laws to town to celebrate an honor ceremony for my father. It was special to have such close relatives give my sister a flag and be able to make Dad's grave site holy ground. This gives me such peace and closure to the fiasco that occurred at his funeral.

This blog follows my sad heart.  When I post next, in 4 days, for Bobby's 5th birthday, I will be more lively. Promise. 

Tuesday, August 16, 2016

Bobby 3 and 4 Month

 My beautiful baby boy makes me smile and feel so gracious every. single. day.  I thank God that He has given me Bobby because he is my every day reminder of my father.

(Did I really not post in a month?!)

Bobby is growing so much and so quickly. A few days of the week he sleeps through the night.  He babbles and smiles, kicks and rolls.  Nate loves helping me with his baby brother and he even points out his eyes, ears, and nose.  Not always so gently.

Life takes over but I still manage to get a work out in, manage my father's estate, and get all the boys ready and off to school.  Nate will be starting a mother's day out program next month. I am a firm believer in helping my children socialize and get adjusted to a daily routine. We love to read, sing and play outside.  I could go on and on about the joys of seeing my children grow and learn.

Bobby officially has his own gym membership.  That means I can get back to yoga classes and spin classes.  Maybe I am on track to a somewhat normal life again. Sorta.

Thursday, July 7, 2016

Worst Job- Ever!

The worst job I have ever had is to be the executor of my father's estate.  Each time I contact the bank or an institution, I am transferred to Survivor Services, in which they begin the conversation with, "I am so sorry for your loss."  This is were I break down and cry.  You know the ugly cry where your whole body shakes and snot drips from your nose? I cry so hard that I cannot speak the words, "Thank you".   Each time, it is a reminder that my father is not here with me any more. 

I am taking it slow.  Each day I give myself one task to do for my father.  Some days it is too difficult that I skip the next day or even the rest of the week.  I am lucky that my mister does not complain about me being sad or staying in my pajamas until noon. 

Each day I discover a new tragedy to add to the grief of loosing my father. The latest is the my father's wife (not my mother) emptied all his bank accounts and took off with all his money.  Yup, you guessed it, this is a real life version of American Greed. I am in total shock that someone could be that greedy, that someone would actually marry for money, and that someone who was so nice in the beginning had ulterior motives. 

However, I took an oath to fulfill my duties as executor to the best of my ability.  I have always said that I would honor Dad and do the best I could to fulfill his wishes.  With the strength of the good Lord above, this is what I plan to do- stay strong. 

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Bobby 2 Months: Let it go

Roberto Albert Alaniz turned two months on June 15, 2016.  Bobby burps and throws up a after I feed him, which leaves me full of puck most of the time.  He is cooing and holding up his head.  At last check, he weighs 13 pounds and is 90% of other babies his age.  

Bobby is a blessing and my daily reminder of my father Roberto G. Rojas who passed away on June 3, 2016.

You may have noticed that I have not posted much these last few months.  It is because I have been taking care of my father since December.  His wife left him, I was pregnant, chasing a toddler around, and making sure the two older boys stayed on task.  To say the least, my life has been hectic.

This week I finally get to take a break and settle in to my new normal without my father.  He was my confidant and best friend. It is  hard to believe that I no longer have my mother and my father; and that my children will not know their grandparents. It is hard to be the executor of my father's will when there are hurt feelings with Dad's wife and when I am trying to mourn the loss of my father.

It is times like this that makes me feel like life is not fair.

I have to let go of the stress, let go of the hurt, and move on as best I can. There is something inside me that keeps me strong. When I believe I cannot go on and fight another battle, I see Bobby and he smiles. He is my reminder that it is possible, that anything is possible.  I need to let go of the hurt and move on.

Sunday, May 15, 2016

Bobby 1 Month

Today Bobby is one month old and Nathaniel is 15 months old.  I have survived thus far with 5-6 hours of sleep a night, in two hour increments.

I won't lie, there are many days that I a living on fumes.  Some how, some way, I get through the day. It is the little things that Nate does like he starts dancing to my phone ring tone or when he gives me a kiss.  It maybe Bobby's little sleepy smile that give me my afternoon boost of energy.  Whatever it is, I make it. 

In all this joy, it is hard to hide the fact that my father is dying of ALS.  Unfortunately, I have said this before with my mother; but I must say it again. It is extremely cruel and unfair to watch a loved one wither way and die before your eyes.  If cancer is bad, ALS is worse.  With ALS, my father is conscious and alert while he looses his strength and the ability to talk. Slowly, he will loose the ability to breath. 

In so many ways, life is just not fair.  I choose to believe that God gives us these trials to make us stronger and better people; while giving us bundles of joy to get us through the hard times. 

I never give up hope. 

Monday, April 25, 2016

Baby Number 2

Growing in pregnancy was difficult for me because I am used to being thin.  Bobby kept growing and growing, and my belly seemed to be exploding.  While I didn't really love the pregnancy experience, I still captured my belly at week 39 so I could look back and remember how big I was. 

Bobby was 8 pounds 11 ounces, much bigger than we all expected him to be. He was born after 13 hours of difficult labor for me due to a nurse in training. The trama to Bobby put him in the NICU for three days and I was sad to be discharged a day early without my baby. 

This Friday is more test and to ensure he continuing to gaining weight.  We are working on getting his days and nights switched, because he seems to have them confused- and that means many sleepless nights for me. 

I have a house full of boys and at times a still a walking zombie. Thank God for my help.