Wednesday, August 12, 2009


There is a peace and a calmness that covers her face. As my world seems to stop, all she says is, “I hope it is not cancer”. She gives no reaction. She sheds no tears. It occurs to me that maybe the repeated bad news about her health has made her numb. The doctor’s initial response is that it does not look good. The tumor is tagged in case surgery is needed. We have three days of hope. The doctors are expected to call on Thursday but if not, we call them on Friday.

Words turn to echoes and the noise around me is faint in the background. I am aware of the traffic and the sounds of the wind from the open sun roof but it is hard to focus on anything more than the wheels turning in front of me. There are so many questions and thoughts racing in my head. I do not want to say them out loud or even dare to speak about them for fear that they turn to reality.

1 comment:

  1. Barbie, what a thoughtful read. My mother is 90 years old, has no memory left, but is in great physical condition. I try to make a trip to Kansas City once a month to visit her, even though the conversations are at best piecemeal, I still need her presence. Through my many years of being a non believer (actually I always knew God was watching over me, I just ignored my responsibilities to Him) my mother continued to pray for me, that one day I would join the Christians in our world, and Mom could finally rest in peace. I think we are both at peace now. I said she has no memory, but Barbie, all I have to do is start singing a gospel song and mom picks it up and finishes the song completely. It is such a thrill to hear her complete something, and reassures me that one day we will once again share all the memories of this life on earth. Mothers are irreplaceable - whether they still live with us on this earth or have gone on to be with our Savior. Thoughts you have racing in your head, questions you fear asking, they will be answered, and I have finally awakened to this
    " It matters not where MOM is, only that MOM is going to be with me until we are reunited in eternity." I can talk to my mother daily, and often do, though we are miles apart I know she can hear my intended conversation.

    There is that peace and calm in my Mother's face too. It is the peace of knowing that soon the journey she has been on for those 90 years will soon be replaced with a walk with all those who have gone before her, a stroll hand in hand with Jesus, and I'm certain Mom will still be praying for me until once again I look into her glowing face and the memories of earthly days will be mirrored there.