Saturday, October 27, 2012

The “C” Word

We live in an f’ed world where mommy’s are gone because of cancer. Often I beg God for an answer although I know it is for reason I do not understand. Maybe this is the time where I stand on my soap box and ramble about the state of our society, air pollution, and the presidential election; all the while thinking that God is using cancer to wipe out society and give us a do-over like He did with Noah and the flood.

The beginning of the week was going smooth and I thought it was going to okay dealing with Mom’s anniversary.   Wearing her necklace was a personal reminder of her and I felt like she was close to my heart. 

And then it happened… Thursday morning I had a total breakdown.  I wish it did not happen at work but a breakdown is not something you plan.  A friend in the hall must have seen the despair in my eyes.  She scooped me out the door and hugged me while I cried.

The local grocery store had helium and I was able to get a helium balloon.  I did not want to be stingy and get a dozen knowing that I would release them and there is a helium shortage.  I watched the pink balloon float away in the clouds hoping it would make its way up to Mom.  I placed a dozen pink roses arranged in a bouquet next to the flowers my father gave Mom and wondered if I should have bought red instead.  I balled my eyes out while standing in front of her grave.  I could have stayed there all day to be with her but I knew that I was emotionally torturing myself and I needed to go.

Have you noticed, it was a hard week.  I wanted to get the hurt out so we could enjoy a cool weekend with da boyz.  My next post will be more up beat- I promise.

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