These past few months have been difficult, to say the least. Vaguely, I remember friends preparing me for the hard times ahead. Not sure what they meant, I quickly figured it out.
Had it not been for Dad, I would have not known how to care for Mom those three months at their home. With his guidance, we were able to get her up a few times. Eventually, it was more than we could handle and we moved her to a hospice in-patient facility.
This was a grueling 12 day stay. Day in and day out, I watched her every breath. Her chest would rise and fall. I found myself holding my breath waiting for her next breath. This is where I learned that patients will not let go until their family has accepted their loved one will no longer be around. In my case, it was Aunt Daisy that was holding on to her sister.
Some days she would speak but those days were few and far between. After spending some time combing her hair and washing her face, Mom wiggled herself up and was lying on her elbow.
Me: You don’t look comfortable and you may hurt yourself. Why don’t you lie down?
Mom: Because, I don’t want to. (And this is where she sticks her tongue out at me.)
I am thankful for all the days that I was able to spend with Mom. I cherish every single memory I have with her and of her, even if my last memory is of her sticking her tongue out at me.
My grieving has been minimal since I have been grieving for the past two years. Adjusting to a life of not going to Mom’s or not visiting Mom has been the most difficult. Relief has taken the place of sadness. There is relief in knowing that Mom is not suffering and is no longer in pain.