Monday, May 12, 2014

Self Sabotage

As I read through the new feed on Facebook, I sat on the couch and put myself through a self-sabotage session.  “Happy Mother’s Day” was all over the place. I tried to make the best of the situation and organized a family day at our house, but Nina cancelled.  My bonus mom (bonus mom is my new word for step-mother) just cancelled Mother’s Day and I started missing My Mom terribly.

A Half dozen close friends wished me Happy Mother’s Day but I feel far from a mother.  A mother to Roxy, yes.  A hopeful and wishing I were an expecting mother, yes. A step-mother, yes.  But, not a real mother. Which begs the questions: What is a real mother? 

The list of endless responsibilities a mother has is endless but the one that tops my list is a friend.  This is where I start missing My Mom again.   No amount of floor tiling, walking Roxy, or cooking can erase the feeling. There seems to be no replacement.

So yet again, I put myself through another self-sabotage session and I started going through blogs from the CrossRoads riders for 2014.  As traditional has it, the ride in LA always starts on Mother’s Day. I remember 2009 and the excitement of dipping my wheel in the Pacific. 

I could sit here all day being sad or get back on my bike to cheer myself up.  

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