Help!

When we first won custody of the older boyz, I was trying to figure out how I was going to manage my growing family.  At times it can be a bit overwhelming with managing homework, tutoring pick-up, and everything else involved in a home. Let's just say that I am not shy about asking for help. It is something that I do not mention because I think it sounds snobby, but my family has a nanny. This week was a perfect example of why she is such a big asset for us.

Da boyz had dentist appointments.  That left me with figuring out: dinner, caring for Nate, homework, reading projects, and getting to the dentist. It was somewhat comforting knowing that even the nanny commented, "It is a struggle getting an older boy started on homework, helping him with homework, getting dinner ready for Nate, and feeding a squirming baby.  Now I know why you have me."

Over the past few months we have had four different nannies.  Our most recent nanny seems to get our family the most because she has two children of her own and knows what needs to be done in a house. I hope I am not speaking too soon but this situation is working for all of us. 

Now with Bobbie on the way, I am not sure how the flow of things will work.  Believe me, I will be the first to schedule the nanny, if only so I can squeeze in a nap.

Shock

Dear Mom,

Do you believe it? From the view you have, I bet you could see it coming.    We still have a lot of questions like: Why would a person get married in the church, take an vow to love your partner in good times and in the bad, in sickness and in health, and then decide you do not want to take care of your partner?  

We are all still in total and complete shock that Lydia would move out and leave Dad alone- again.  I never saw it coming.  The part that hurts worse is that I had taken her in as my bonus mom and even started teaching da boyz to call her Grammy. We accepted her and her family as our family.  And now she is gone. 

In her mind she is justified and has said that God is her judge not me or my sister.  Of course, her story is different from ours but you can see the truth from up there.  I know that all I do is for my dad- and that is to get him better. 

Times are definitely trying.  Caring around an extra 13 pounds of Bobbie (I am now 25 weeks pregnant.), holding a 20 pound Nate, on a sprained ankle has not been fun and quite exhausting. Coordinating hospital visitation, tutoring and homework, supper, and sleep time has challenged me and has taken a bit for me to adjust.  I went from no kids to three kids and one on the way.  I wonder how other moms manage and survive.  Is it only me that have these burdens?

The thing that keeps me sane is knowing that God will only give me what I can handle.  That gives me peace.  When I need rest, I will finally close my eyes to sleep.

You must only be seeing blue skies and temporary pain; while I see turmoil.  Please send our family peace and hope. I will remember your perseverance and strong will as we get Dad back up on his feet. 

I love you, Mom!

Barbie, #2

11 Months

Often I am reminded of how time flies and to enjoy Nate while he is little. With intention, I do this daily. This months pictures was hard to take because Nate was moving, pulling the sticker off the elephant, flipping through his books and crawling all over the room. Although he is not looking at the camera, this was the best picture of the bunch. He definitely keeps me on my toes.

Though I have said that I never could have imagined myself as a stay-at-home mom, I am enjoying and cherishing every moment watching Nathaniel grow.  The key is to be open to see what is happening in front of you and not let the busyness of the day take over. 

We play with cars and not that I know how to "play cars", I just roll the wheels over Nate's back and it makes him laugh.  That's all I want to do it make him smile and laugh.

With an open schedule, we can go visit Grand-dad in rehab/physical therapy. (Not the the twelve step rehab, just to be clear.)  Nate lights up the room and my Dad goes crazy.  My Dad acts like a kid again and loves seeing his grand-son tear up the room.

Recently, I had the piano tuned and have since kept the keys uncovered.  Nate will crawl into the office and start tickling the ivory.  Who knows, we might have another Mozart in the works. 

My days end with nursing Nathaniel to sleep and praying over him.  I pray that God will bless my sons, guard them and protect them daily.  I pray that God will remain in their hearts and in their lives daily. I pray that God will be preparing a Godly spouse for my sons. I pray that they sleep well and fall asleep quick. I wonder if Nate will be active and like to run, bike and swim like his parents; or if he will be a homebody. Every night I shed tears of joy as I watch my baby fall asleep in my arms. 

Growing

Parenting and being a mother is everything everyone says it will be.  The trick is finding new and creative ways of describing it. This is difficult for me because I do not consider myself a writer nor am I very creative. I am a big reader and enjoy learning by what other have to say and then I do my best to find my own words. 

Today was a big day in our house, all da boyz now have their own bedrooms.  When did they get so big and where is all the time going?  

When I meet da boyz, Jon was in the third grade and Joe in kindergarten.  They were tiny boyz and we would all snuggle up in a king size bed at night.  This worked for us for about six months before someone started getting pushed off the bed, usually da mister. Over the years I have seen them grow and mature.  One summer they are ordering from the children's menu and the next summer we do not even look at the kid's menu.

Now that Nathaniel has transitioned to his own room- in his own crib, I realized that all my boyz will be in their own rooms and sleeping in their own beds.  I am glad that my boys are growing and becoming independent but I must admit I miss the night time snuggles. 

10 Month and Co-Sleeping

My baby boy is ten months old today. He is crawling and lifting himself up.  The past three weeks have been brutal with teething but we made it past the initial hump of four new teeth.

When Nate was born I was good about nursing him then putting him down in his pack-n-play located in our bed room.  Somewhere around month three, da mister suggested I just leave him in bed with me because it would be much easier and I would get more sleep. And it was initially.  

Then the nights turned into day time naps and  there you have it, we were co-sleeping.  Since I am a light sleeper, this has been hard on me because Nate would wake every few hours to nurse or just move and disturb my sleep.  I have been a walking zombie and this sleep pattern was not working for me. 

I tried exactly two times to let him cry it out but I could not take him screaming. So what does an exhausted mother do?  For me, I was tired.  My arms hurt from carrying around a cranky baby and I finally broke down.  

This past week I have endured the cries during nap time and on Friday evening I placed him in his crib for night time sleep.  Surprisingly, the night time sleep has been quiet even though not much sleep is really happening at this point. 

It is hard to hear him cry but I know that we are learning to self sooth (for me to) and develop better sleeping behaviors. What gives me hope is my pediatrician said that no parent that has ever done the cry out method has ever been sorry that they did. 

There you have it folks.  Barbie's guild to getting more sleep and getting stuff done.

Selfie

Recently I was challenged with selfies and taking the perfect picture.  I know I do it and I am sure you do it too.  We take a picture over and over and in different poses to find the one we like.  Then we spend another thirty minutes going through the all the pictures to find the best one to post on social media.  We only want to post the best picture of our self for the world to see.

It surprised me to read the comments on my FaceBook about this picture because in general they said, "You look so beautiful," but what I was feeling was so different.  

This day was October 31, 2015- Nathaniel's first Halloween. We also decided to have a gender reveal party to announce the sex of our new baby.  Let me lay my day down for you.  

I have a nine month old teething baby, I am not sleeping through the night and get two hours of sleep at a time, 10 AM appointment, 1 PM party, skip nap time due to late arrivals to the party, sneak in late lunch early dinner, get to the pumpkin patch one hour before closing, and I am 14 weeks pregnant. Through all that, I finally relaxed in a safe place with my baby.  I remember thinking, Wow, I finally get to sit down. I am happy to capture the joy of this moment with my baby boy. Okay, let me sit him on my lap to hide my baby bump and take a picture. 

I wish I could have a picture of me and Nate smiling but this was the best we could do. We made it and I have my cherished picture of Nathaniel in his blue M&M costume surrounded by pumpkins for his first Halloween. You may see only my smile and baby, but for me I remember every detail of the day.  Rushed, tired, and joyful are all things that I will remember when I see this picture.  

What it takes to be a Mom

This past week was the fifth year anniversary of my mother passing away. I miss her daily and remember what an amazing women she was.  As I struggle with the daily chores of being a mother, I recall all that Mom did and I wonder how she managed it all.  She went to nursing school, worked full time, volunteered at our PTA, was our Girl Scout Leader, organized employee picnics, played softball, and sold Mary Kay cosmetics.  There are days when I struggle just to brush my teeth and get myself dressed much less do homework with da boyz and cook dinner. Every day I am reminded how strong and determined Mom was. She is my roll model and is exactly like the mother I want to be to my children. 

What is a mother?  In the narrow sense of the word it comes down to caring for your children's success and guiding them and showing them how to become independent individuals. But it is much more than that.  It is never giving up, having patients, and caring enough to parent your child- even on the days when your patients runs out. 

Joe caught me off guard and said, "Mommie take our picture".  I'm not sure at what point he felt comfortable enough to call me Mommie but it is a moment that I have hoped for but never expected. It has not happened since but it is always a moment to capture. 

I love seeing the big boys play with Nate.  They carry him all over the house and Nate loves all the big brother attention.  

With our growing house of boys, I hope to make my mother proud as I work on being the mom that my mother was to me.