It was only a few days ago that my family gathered in an intensive care room surrounding my mom bed. I remember feeling defeated as we heard the news. Emotionally, we had to face the truth and accept Mom’s illness. The hollow in my sole started forming, an empty space where Mom connects to me started to hurt. The pain of losing my mom was becoming real.
Sunday, I arrived at the hospital to I find Mom sitting watching TV and eating her lunch. She asks what all the fuss was about. She doesn’t remember the past week. It’s like nothing. She looks like nothing happened to her.
Part of me thinks that she is fighting to get through this weekend and it will only be a matter of time. No one knows. It could be a week or it could be months. All I know is that today, I am grateful I get to talk to Mom for another day. My sole rejoices, that today, I have this much more time with her.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Washed Away
Slowly, my make-up is being washed away. It has been almost a week since Mom has been in the hospital and I have given up on putting mascara on. My tears wash it away.
For the past two years, Mom has lived with severe liver disease. Only 5% of her liver has been working. Her body is shutting down. We take her to the hospital only to find out that cancer has returned. It has spread to stage 4 and it’s all over her body.
My family has decided to place her in hospice care. For today, the doctors want to keep her in the hospital another few days so that an antibiotic IV drip can run its course.
She and I have special moments. I feed her while I eat my dinner and we talk. There are no regrets on my end. Every day, every moment has been to the fullest.
This morning at breakfast, there was a man wearing a "Topeka Kansas" t-shirt. I couldn't help but ask him if that is where he was from. He answered saying a friend bought it for him. I told him about my XC trip and riding through Kansas. We shared a conversation. As he left, he was thanking me for making his day.
It’s the small things that make people happy.
For the past two years, Mom has lived with severe liver disease. Only 5% of her liver has been working. Her body is shutting down. We take her to the hospital only to find out that cancer has returned. It has spread to stage 4 and it’s all over her body.
My family has decided to place her in hospice care. For today, the doctors want to keep her in the hospital another few days so that an antibiotic IV drip can run its course.
She and I have special moments. I feed her while I eat my dinner and we talk. There are no regrets on my end. Every day, every moment has been to the fullest.
This morning at breakfast, there was a man wearing a "Topeka Kansas" t-shirt. I couldn't help but ask him if that is where he was from. He answered saying a friend bought it for him. I told him about my XC trip and riding through Kansas. We shared a conversation. As he left, he was thanking me for making his day.
It’s the small things that make people happy.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Mom IS Strong
Mom gave us quite a scare this week. Her blood pressure dropped scary low (60/20) on Wednesday and some how, being the strong woman that she is, Mom has pulled through once again.
The doctor instructed the family to gather and decide on her care. It was a hard converstation to have but the truth had to be talked about. For now, I am going to leave most of the details out until the results of her test come back. Mom is sick but we hope to make her comportable and get her out of the hospital by next weekend for the party.
The doctor instructed the family to gather and decide on her care. It was a hard converstation to have but the truth had to be talked about. For now, I am going to leave most of the details out until the results of her test come back. Mom is sick but we hope to make her comportable and get her out of the hospital by next weekend for the party.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Thoughts About The Race
Official time of 2010 Dam ‘09: 1:09:33
Class position: 8
400 meter swim: 9:18
Transition 1: 1:42
10 meter bike: 30:31, pace 19.7 MPH.
Transition2: 2:12 (I left my bike helmet on and had to go back to take it off.)
4K run: 25:48
My age marks my calf with a permanent black marker and my bib number remains marked on my arm. Never before have I proudly worn my age. I purposefully wear a skirt so that someone would ask what the number is. I want to tell them I did my first TRI. Sadly, no one asks. Still, I tell everyone who listens.
After riding 2220 miles across America, there is something inside me that thinks I can do anything I set my mind to. There are no limits and the possibilities are endless no matter the obstacles in front of me.
The days before the TRI, there were lots of reason to not participate. I could even make some up. My knee hurts. I’m not a strong runner. I’m gonna choke and swallow the pool during my swim. The list goes on.
There are all these “what if” questions that are barriers that block me from finishing. All I can do is step over them and keeping doing what I know how to do. I stick by what I learned on my ride. Your body will do anything you train it to do. Your body is really that amazing of a machine.
Aside from all the bickering between the ladies in my family regarding the quinceanera taking place in 2 weeks, a rather large obstacle popped up the day before the race. My mom is sick, yet again. A doctor’s appointment advised her to go straight to the hospital. She doesn’t want to go and I don’t blame her. She hates being poked, pricked, and tested.
I begged her. I cried. I told her she was important to me and that I wanted her to get better- soon. It didn’t work. She didn’t go to the hospital until last Sunday night.
One day at a time. One race at a time, I try to keep my sanity. The craziness of life is a whirlwind around me and the peace I find is on the road.
Next on my list is to train for time trials. Tour de Gruene is on my list and if I’m lucky, Lance will show up.
Class position: 8
400 meter swim: 9:18
Transition 1: 1:42
10 meter bike: 30:31, pace 19.7 MPH.
Transition2: 2:12 (I left my bike helmet on and had to go back to take it off.)
4K run: 25:48
My age marks my calf with a permanent black marker and my bib number remains marked on my arm. Never before have I proudly worn my age. I purposefully wear a skirt so that someone would ask what the number is. I want to tell them I did my first TRI. Sadly, no one asks. Still, I tell everyone who listens.
After riding 2220 miles across America, there is something inside me that thinks I can do anything I set my mind to. There are no limits and the possibilities are endless no matter the obstacles in front of me.
The days before the TRI, there were lots of reason to not participate. I could even make some up. My knee hurts. I’m not a strong runner. I’m gonna choke and swallow the pool during my swim. The list goes on.
There are all these “what if” questions that are barriers that block me from finishing. All I can do is step over them and keeping doing what I know how to do. I stick by what I learned on my ride. Your body will do anything you train it to do. Your body is really that amazing of a machine.
Aside from all the bickering between the ladies in my family regarding the quinceanera taking place in 2 weeks, a rather large obstacle popped up the day before the race. My mom is sick, yet again. A doctor’s appointment advised her to go straight to the hospital. She doesn’t want to go and I don’t blame her. She hates being poked, pricked, and tested.
I begged her. I cried. I told her she was important to me and that I wanted her to get better- soon. It didn’t work. She didn’t go to the hospital until last Sunday night.
One day at a time. One race at a time, I try to keep my sanity. The craziness of life is a whirlwind around me and the peace I find is on the road.
Next on my list is to train for time trials. Tour de Gruene is on my list and if I’m lucky, Lance will show up.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
2010 Dam '09
This being my first triathlon, I am totally pleased with my performance. Many organized rides under my belt kept my nerves in check and I was surprisingly calm before I entered the pool. My unofficial time, thanks to Robert's stop watch on his blackberry, has me at 1:09.
The swim was easier then I expected and I kept a steady pace. Without sucking in a bunch of water, I passed a few swimmers. Thankfully, there was a nice man to lend me a hand out of the pool because it was hard to find the step, remove my cap and gargles, and then head to the transition spot. I don’t have my offical time, as of yet, on my swim. I am guessing it is around 10 minutes or so with a distance of 400 meters.
The bike, now that’s my sport. I expected to get my breath and slow my heart rate down on the decants, but that never happened. I was having fun and wanted to keep pedaling. There is a climb that is 4-7% grade but I used my gears to get my over the bumps. Pedal on the turns and breathe, that’s what I kept telling myself. Time: 30:21 with an average speed of 17.1 for a 10 mile loop of about 3 miles for each loop.
Running is not my sport and thought that with my slow pace, I would catch my breath. Here again, that never happened. But, I kept running, smiling and having a good time. Time: 25:52 for a 2.5 mile run.
The adrenaline kept me moving and all the training paid off. Crossing the finish line felt GREAT! I was too excited that I didn't notice my heart pounding out of my chest, I felt dizzy, and quickly sat on the ground. It took me about 30 minutes to fully recover and get my heart rate back to normal. Don't let the beer and banana fool you, I felt like crap in this picture.
Thanks to Kim who took awesome pictures for me!
The swim was easier then I expected and I kept a steady pace. Without sucking in a bunch of water, I passed a few swimmers. Thankfully, there was a nice man to lend me a hand out of the pool because it was hard to find the step, remove my cap and gargles, and then head to the transition spot. I don’t have my offical time, as of yet, on my swim. I am guessing it is around 10 minutes or so with a distance of 400 meters.
The bike, now that’s my sport. I expected to get my breath and slow my heart rate down on the decants, but that never happened. I was having fun and wanted to keep pedaling. There is a climb that is 4-7% grade but I used my gears to get my over the bumps. Pedal on the turns and breathe, that’s what I kept telling myself. Time: 30:21 with an average speed of 17.1 for a 10 mile loop of about 3 miles for each loop.
Running is not my sport and thought that with my slow pace, I would catch my breath. Here again, that never happened. But, I kept running, smiling and having a good time. Time: 25:52 for a 2.5 mile run.
The adrenaline kept me moving and all the training paid off. Crossing the finish line felt GREAT! I was too excited that I didn't notice my heart pounding out of my chest, I felt dizzy, and quickly sat on the ground. It took me about 30 minutes to fully recover and get my heart rate back to normal. Don't let the beer and banana fool you, I felt like crap in this picture.
Thanks to Kim who took awesome pictures for me!
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Trying and TRI
The flags that waved proudly on my bike are now are magnetized to my refrigerator. They are a daily reminder to me that I can do anything. I have these moments where I say to myself, “Self, you rode 2220 miles across America. You’re pretty freakin’ awesome."
With endless possibilities in front of me, this Saturday I will be participating in my very first triathlon. Something deep inside me is yelling to me that this will also be my last. Though it has been fun taking on this new challenge, my body does not like the running part.
After this TRI, there is an individual time trial and/or a team time trial at the end of October. This will be the next training goal that I shoot for.
Just going down the list and checking things off. Things are good.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Mini Me
It's kinda a big deal right now with my family. We are planning my niece’s quinceanera. For you non Mexicans out there, she is turning fifteen and we are throwing a BIG birthday party for her.
Alexis is fair skinned with reddish brown hair. Our personalities are similar but never saw a physical resemblance until this past weekend when she was photographed in her quinceanera dress.
Check out our pictures. Its like a mini-me is running around out there.
Alexis is fair skinned with reddish brown hair. Our personalities are similar but never saw a physical resemblance until this past weekend when she was photographed in her quinceanera dress.
Check out our pictures. Its like a mini-me is running around out there.
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